Holiday Letter 2018

Happy Holidays from sunny Las Vegas! The only thing that seemed to be quicker than this year for us is binge-watching a season (or two) of The Marvelous Miss Maisel or a season (or two) of Ozark. Why can’t they produce more episodes of these great shows? Is it really that difficult to make 22 episodes anymore? Oops, sorry, I forgot this isn’t a Facebook rant; it is a Christmas letter. Yes, Craig is back.

In February, Tina and I moved into our new house. The new address was on the envelope the card came in. Hopefully, you were not so eager to read this letter that you immediately threw the envelope away or tore it beyond recognition. Good news! It is also on our card that you are proudly displaying on your fireplace mantle, right above the stockings. The new house allows us to downsize and upgrade from the last house. Despite what Tazia thinks, this is not the same line as last year. Last year we said, “Craig and I also decided to downsize our house and upgrade our lives” (http://statucki.com/?p=189). I think that the best part of the new house is our unobstructed view of the entire Las Vegas Valley. While Tina appreciates the view, she loves her 10-minute commute to work better. The new house is also equipped with two separate craft areas for Tina – one inside the house and one as a separate garage that she has all to herself. Meanwhile, all I got is a four-foot shelving unit and a bike stand in the garage where we park our cars. That is f*&^%@ b@&#*@! Where is my man cave?

Tazia is in her last year of law school at The George Washington University Law School (emphasis on the THE). During the school year, she has kept herself busy as part of skills boards, journals, and working as a research assistant. In the spring, Tazia was also a finalist in an international commercial arbitration competition on campus. The first person who can explain that sentence in plain English wins a prize. Over the summer, she completed her Summer Associate program at Covington & Burling in New York City and received an offer to join the firm’s corporate practice after graduation. She already has our retirement home picked out for us. Fortunately, she will make enough money to pay for it. She loved New York and won tickets to eleven different Broadway shows. How does someone win tickets to Escape to Margaritaville on Broadway who has never yelled “Salt! Salt! Salt!” in a bar? Tina is jealous of her Broadway show victories, but I am most envious of her tickets to see Stephen Colbert and John Oliver. Tina and I are currently arguing over whether we are going to visit Tazia for Thanksgiving or Christmas next year. Tina wants to see the Thanksgiving Day parade and I don’t. It is on TV. Who needs to wait for hours in the cold to see the Baby Trump Blimp go by? Oops, I forgot it was it not a Facebook rant again. 

Apologies for the length of the last paragraph. Tazia was trying to edit it while I was writing it and I had to change her Google rights to “Comment Only.”

Quinton, “the dopest man alive,” is completing his diesel technician certifications at TMCC in Reno and should be done in May. I say “should be done” because he keeps finding things that interest him and he may go back to school to take some welding classes. For someone who hated school so much growing up, it is kind of ironic that he wants to stay in school to learn some additional skills. He is working at a Petro Truck Stop in Reno as a diesel technician. Tina and I are happy that he finally has a steady income to support his side hobby of producing rap music. You can find him on SoundCloud or Instagram (WARNING! EXPLICIT LYRICS!).  While we would like to see Quinton move back closer to home, Las Vegas cannot offer the outdoor experiences that he enjoys in Reno. There is not a lot of fishing and camping in the 110+ degree heat of Las Vegas. Quinton has become an avid reader and is frequently asking Tina for book recommendations. He doesn’t ask me because he knows I am going to list off a bunch of Tom Clancy novels. He can’t ask Tazia because the only thing she reads are textbooks. What kind of law student has never read To Kill a Mockingbird? This year, Quinton has found a new way to annoy us. When he binge-watches shows, he doesn’t do it in order and it messes up our viewing queue. Apparently, being OCD doesn’t always run in the family, but three out of four isn’t bad.

Tina and I have both been busy at work and attending conferences. Tina is still the principal at Northwest Career and Technical Academy and I was recently promoted to an assistant principal at East Career and Technical Academy. I was able to see Tazia in Washington, DC, in March, while I was attending an ACTE Conference. In April, Tina and I both attended a conference in Colorado Springs and met my parents, Jodi, and David for dinner in Denver on our commute back to Las Vegas. Tina wanted me to point out that she made the CCSD Superintendent’s Principal Honor Roll. That recognition came with no bonus, but she got a cool pin and a banner. I don’t have any cool recognitions like that, but I do work at America’s Number One Magnet School. Upon reading this paragraph, Tina called me a name that isn’t suitable for print. Keep in mind that I already swore previously in this letter.

Before the school year ended, Tina and I traveled to Oregon to attend the wedding of one of her former students. To my former students who are reading this, where is my invite to your wedding? I know some you liked me more than Tina or, at least, I gave you a better grade. Over the summer, Tina and I took an extended road trip to visit my family in Colorado and to see the Nevonen’s and Virkus-Smith’s in Minnesota. We enjoyed seeing family in both states, but it did seem a little odd to be on a long road trip without the kids. Clark and Ellen never went on a trip without Audrey and Rusty regardless of who was playing the kids. If you want us to replace Tazia and Quinton on road trips with your kids, please contact us privately and have your credit card ready. We also accept ApplePay, Venmo, Paypal, and Amazon gift cards. As part of the trip, we visited the world’s largest ball of twine, the largest concrete gnome, and the world’s largest cow. Thanks to  https://www.roadsideamerica.com/, Tina and I have found another way to have fun on road trips besides Geocaching. Conveniently for me, most of these roadside attractions have a geocache nearby. We also visited the traditional attractions on the three-day road trip home including Theodore Roosevelt National Park (Quinton’s favorite President), Little Bighorn Battlefield, and Yellowstone National Park. I guess one benefit of President Trump gutting the Department of Interior is that I will never have to visit Trump National Park. Oops, forgot this wasn’t a Facebook rant.

Tina’s trick to get me to drive to Minnesota, the land of mosquitos and crazy democrats (oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, Oh baby, baby), was that we turned the trip into a geocaching road adventure. After visiting my parents, we took a slight detour (maybe about four hours out of the way) to find the oldest active geocache in Kansas. I am pretty sure that Tina thinks my hobby is turning into an obsession. I don’t think so. After all, she is the one with two separate crafting areas. Which one of us do you think has the problem? Please answer in the comment section.

We hope that you have an enjoyable holiday season and a great new year.

The Statucki Family

Bonus Features

Tina’s Top 5 Roadside Attractions

1. Largest Ball of Twine (because of the company who drove with us to see it)
2. Largest Concrete Gnome (because it had the bonus butterfly garden)
3. Idaho Potato Museum
4. Salem Sue
5. Only Working Danish Windmill in America (it wasn’t working when we were there and it still made this list)

Craig’s Top 5 Geocaches Found This Year

1. Mingo (you can’t drive that far out of the way and not have it on the list)
2. Original Stash (thanks to Erich and Erin)
3. Iowa Webcam One (because Tina had to sit in the car and take a screenshot of me standing in front of a building)
4. Haystack Rocks (Goonies Forever)
5. Pinky Bison Wants to be a Submarine Commander (one ping only Vasili)

Tazia’s Top 5 Favorite Broadway Shows (that she has seen)

1. Kinky Boots
2. Wicked
3. Angels in America
4. Mean Girls
5. Spongebob Squarepants

Quinton’s Top 5 Worst Customers

1. Drivers that wanna be your friend
2. Eshop users
3. Persians on a budget
4. Russians (too busy colluding instead of driving – oops, forgot this wasn’t a Facebook rant)
5. Swift drivers

Silver’s Top Five Favorite Toys

1. Pull Rope
2. Tennis ball (he only gets this at grandma’s house)
3. Blue frisbee
4. Red pull toy
5. Red ball (he is desperate to play when this comes out)