Last year, Craig said he would not write another holiday letter. Technically, this is an accurate statement because he had some help from his friends at ChatGPT this year. In the spirit of efficiency (and maybe a touch of laziness), we turned to the marvels of modern technology: artificial intelligence. Each of us contributed a few bullet points about our year—some highlights, some milestones—and then we asked ChatGPT to write a holiday letter as funny as a typical holiday letter from Craig. The problem was that ChatGPT stated that it didn’t have the intelligence to be as witty as Craig, but it would try. Don’t worry, we reviewed it for accuracy (and vetoed a few overly flattering AI embellishments), so what you’re about to read is a slightly polished, definitely collaborative, and entirely heartfelt recap of our year. So, grab a cup of cocoa or a bottle of Virginia City Cemetery Gin and enjoy this blend of human experience and artificial intelligence—no robots were harmed in the making of this letter!
This year, Tina and Craig became honorary members of the wedding circuit, attending not one, not two, but four weddings! They celebrated with Jenna, Andrew, and Briana, and even donned their finest for the ultimate highlight—Quinton’s big day. They would have added Aaron and Arielle (friends of Tazia) to their nuptial tour, but fate had other plans: Grandma Lavonne pulled a muscle while sewing (because who knew crafting could be an extreme sport?) and took a detour to the hospital instead. Who needs a wedding cake when you’ve got hospital Jell-O?
Note: ChatGPT struggled with the Craig and Tina travel section and initially responded with “For Fuck’s Sake! Have you seen Tina’s Facebook posts about vacations? They travel too much to write this. Are you sure they aren’t both retired?”
In March, Tina and Craig turned a work trip into a mini adventure, jetting off to Washington, DC, for a conference that was more “work” than “vacation” (or so they claim). Luckily, Tazia swooped in to add some flair, whisking them off to New York City for the full tourist experience. They admired Lady Liberty, strolled through Central Park like seasoned New Yorkers (minus the pigeons), and experienced Broadway magic with SIX. Of course, no NYC visit is complete without sampling the holy trinity of city staples—bagels, pizza, and an overwhelming sense of traffic-induced stress.
Tina and Craig proved that “work hard, play hard” isn’t just a saying—it’s a lifestyle. Their journey to Hawaii for the Region V ACTE Conference quickly morphed into a tropical adventure. After the conference, they island-hopped their way through paradise, ticking off two more national parks, cruising scenic island roads, and indulging in Craig’s favorite pastime: geocaching. (Because what better way to unwind than by treasure hunting in the middle of a volcano.) By the end of the trip, they were suntanned, slightly sand-covered, and ready to pitch “geocaching” as the next Olympic sport.
In July, Tina and Craig made a return trip to Washington, DC, because once just wasn’t enough! Tina and Tazia took center stage themselves with a night at the Kennedy Center, soaking in the charm of Funny Girl. The family caught up with Aaron and Arielle over dinner, proving that good company always outshines fancy menus. They also paddled around the Tidal Basin, showcasing their impressive teamwork (or lack thereof) and squeezed in a deeply moving visit to the Holocaust Museum. All in all, it was a trip filled with laughter, history, and just a touch of aquatic cardio.
Tina and Craig put their camper van to good use this year, embarking on a grand road trip adventure. They rolled into Minnesota to stay with Barbie and Andrew (the best campground we stayed at all year) and then headed to Kansas for a bike race—because nothing says “relaxation” like pedaling through the prairie. The journey didn’t stop there! They explored the historic charm of Nevada City and Empire Mine, marveled at the rugged beauty of Shelter Cove and Black Sands Beach, and checked Lassen and Pinnacles National Parks off their list. They even made it to Virginia Lakes, proving once again that no road is too long and no destination too remote when the camper van is packed and Craig’s sense of adventure is in the driver’s seat.
Retirement? What’s that? Tina continues to redefine the concept, juggling an impressive five jobs—sometimes all in one day! It’s not clear if she’s auditioning for a world record or just keeping things interesting, but either way, she’s got multitasking down to an art form. Meanwhile, Craig is wrapping up his tenure as the state CTE director and gearing up for a new adventure in January, because who needs a breather? In April, he also began his term as ACTE Region V Vice-President, officially making him the overachiever of the household (though Tina might argue otherwise).
As the year comes to a close, Tina and Craig have proven once again that they are unstoppable—whether they’re celebrating love, conquering conferences, or crisscrossing the country in search of adventure. From wedding dance floors to volcanic geocaching, Broadway lights to camper van nights, they’ve packed a lifetime of memories into just 12 months. With Tina mastering the art of multitasking and Craig diving headfirst into new leadership roles, it’s clear that “slowing down” isn’t in their vocabulary. Here’s to another year of laughter, travels, and plenty of stories worth telling—because for Tina and Craig, the adventure is just getting started.
Tazia
Tazia is still holding down the fort in Washington, D.C., but she’s plotting an escape to Virginia in early January. Her reasoning? She’d like to be further away from the White House. Whether it’s the political circus, the traffic, or just a bad vibe, she’s not saying, but Virginia seems to promise sanctuary—or at least a better commute to her new job. Yes, you read that right—Tazia bid farewell to her role at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission in October to join Milbank LLP. As if being a full-time BigLaw attorney wasn’t enough, she’s also a part-time Adjunct Professor at GW Law and an EMBA graduate student at the University of Nevada-Reno. In short, she’s operating on a schedule that would make the Energizer Bunny weep.
In her spare time (which we assume involves a time machine), Tazia has taken up competitive jigsaw puzzling. Yes, competitive puzzling is a thing. No, we don’t know how she finds time to practice, but somehow she does—probably while the rest of us are binge-watching Netflix. This year, Tazia took her puzzling talent to the international stage by competing in the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championship in Valladolid, Spain. Tazia’s scouting for Pairs partners for future competitions, so if you think you’ve got what it takes to keep up, submit your application now.
Tazia has also been busy collecting airline miles. This year, she visited Spain, the United Kingdom, Florida, Ohio, New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Maryland, Minnesota, California, and Nevada. Each destination served a specific purpose, whether it was attending a wedding, competing in a puzzle competition, or living her best life at a Taylor Swift concert.
At home, her loyal companions, Taz and Sage, are there to greet her after every whirlwind trip or long workday. These fluffballs are her favorite roommates, offering endless cuddles, zero backtalk, and none of the neediness that human relationships tend to bring. Tazia remains firmly committed to her stance that men are far too needy, and honestly, we can’t blame her.
So, what’s on the horizon for Tazia in 2025? Another dazzling career move? A puzzle championship victory? Whatever it is, one thing’s certain: by next holiday season, her résumé will be longer, her frequent flyer miles will be higher, and we’ll all be left wondering if Tazia is secretly powered by caffeine or just sheer determination. Stay tuned—she might even figure out how to run for office… in Virginia, of course.
Quinton
It’s been quite a year for Quinton and Zoey, full of big changes and big adventures! In June, they decided to make it official (as if the camping trips and fishing were not already a lifelong commitment) and got married in Graeagle, California. Yes, that’s right—Quinton and Zoey are now a legally binding unit, which means Quinton has been practicing his “yes dear” responses.
After Zoey graduated in May (because who doesn’t want to spend their 20s getting degrees and then getting married?), the couple packed up their lives in Denver and made the big move back to Reno. Goodbye, mile-high city—hello, Biggest Little City and the comforting smell of sagebrush! They’ve been loving their new digs, especially the house, which is a huge upgrade from their former one-bedroom apartment. Banks, their loyal dog, is particularly thrilled with all the extra space… though he’s not exactly sure why his two favorite humans are never around anymore. (He’s still upset Zoey doesn’t work from home every day like she used to.)
As for their free time, Quinton and Zoey are still enjoying the great outdoors—usually from the back of their trusty Toyota RAV4. Nothing says “we’re living the dream” like camping under the stars, hiking to places with names that are harder to pronounce than ‘s’mores,’ and fishing for whatever it is that nibbles on hooks in the wild. If anyone needs an idea for what to get them for Christmas, a new America the Beautiful pass will suffice.
In the career department, Quinton is still turning wrenches as a diesel mechanic, fixing everything from trucks to the occasional broken dream. Zoey, on the other hand, is hard at work for the Reno Housing Authority, ensuring that local housing is as dependable as the fresh cup of coffee she’s drinking while running from meeting to meeting. Between them, they’re keeping the world running smoothly—one truck and one lease at a time.
Here’s to another year of adventures, hard work, and (hopefully) finding the time to teach Banks how to love camping as much as his owners do.
Conclusion
As we wrap up this AI-assisted holiday letter, we want to say how grateful we are for all of you—our family and friends who make each year so special. While ChatGPT may have helped us put this together, it’s the real connections and shared moments with all of you that truly matter. Here’s to a new year filled with laughter, love, and plenty of stories worth sharing (even if we need a robot’s help to tell them)! Wishing you a joyful holiday season and a wonderful start to 2025.
With love,
The Statucki Family (and ChatGPT, your honorary holiday ghostwriter)
Was last year’s Statucki Holiday Letter too long for your liking? Well, we have bad news for you: this year’s letter is even longer. The good news is that we prepared an abridged version for your convenience:
Craig and Tina still live in Carson City, but now have a camper van to travel in. Craig continues to work for the Nevada Department of Education and is on a mission to find a geocache for 366 consecutive days. Tina finally retired, but now has six part-time jobs in addition to her many hobbies. Tazia still lives in DC with her two cats, still works at the SEC, and is now a part-time graduate student. Quinton and Zoey are happily engaged and you probably are not invited to their wedding next year. The newlyweds, Lavonne and Dennis, did not write their own holiday letter, so Tazia wrote a section for them.
Without further ado, here is the unabridged version of the 2023 Statucki Holiday Letter:
Craig & Tina
Every year I (Craig) say this is going to be the last letter. We have two adult children who are more than capable of sending their own holiday letter and now we have to add two more adults to this letter? This is definitely going to be the final holiday letter.
This was a busy year at work for me as I spent the first six months serving as an Interim Deputy Superintendent at the Nevada Department of Education. It was a great experience, but I would have preferred to play Interim Deputy in a non-legislative session year. The unintended perk of working and traveling so much is that I have now reached Companion status on Southwest and Tina can fly with me anywhere for $11; she is a cheap date for those trips. I returned to my position as Director after the legislative session ended and happy to be back to my career and technical education world. In more important news, I found my 5000th geocache this summer while we were traveling back from Minnesota. I am also currently on a streak of finding at least one geocache a day for the last 180 days. This is not an easy feat when living in a small town, but my goal is to reach 366 consecutive days.
Tina retired in August after a long and storied career in education. I still have a long way to go until I can retire, so I am forcing Tina to work as an independent contractor in order to save money so that I can retire early. Tina’s post-retirement gigs include doing her old job at the Department of Education until the end of January, serving as the Nevada ACTE executive director, working for the Carson City School District as an external auditor, and working for three colleges including the best university in Nevada – UNLV. Did I mention that the Fremont Cannon is painted red? Working so many jobs has cut into Tina’s crafting time, but she still manages to make the treasures she finds at estate sales into great home decorations. Once she gives up one or two of her side jobs, she should really get her camera, start filming her craft projects, and post them to YouTube. She could certainly add interior design influencer to her resume. Plus, it probably pays more than most jobs.
Tina and I have done a lot of travel for work. I think that I have been to Las Vegas about 6 or 7 times in the last year and tried to visit friends when I could, but most trips were flying down and back on the same day. In April, we traveled for work to Fargo, North Dakota. I realize that Fargo doesn’t sound exciting, but Tina won Best Drama Queen at the conference and we got to see her cousin Barbie as well. I went to Phoenix for a work trip in May and we both went to Phoenix again in December for the national ACTE conference (more updates on that in the 2024 holiday letter). We also went to Elko, Nevada in November for a work trip but took time to have dinner and catch up with my friend Eric from high school and his wife Andrea. We just got back last week from a short work trip to Vegas as well.
I’m sure that hearing about our exciting work lives is why you read this letter year after year, but for those of you who want to know about our vacations, the next few paragraphs are for you. When we last left you in 2022, we were headed to Colorado for Christmas. Tazia joined us and we got to spend some time with my family and Quinton, Zoey, and Banks (see below). In March, Tina flew to Washington, DC to attend a conference and extended her stay with Tazia. Instead of staying in DC, the two of them went on their second “Girl’s Trip” and went to Paris. They are both still alive, so it probably went well. There were also huge riots in Paris during their visit but people in France apparently know how to protest without destroying property, looting businesses, or pretending or not pretending to be insurrectionists.
This summer resulted in multiple Griswold family vacation trips. I think that I need to start calling them the Griswold Empty Nesters vacations, but it doesn’t quite flow off the tongue. Just prior to our first trip, we lost Silver unexpectedly and quickly. He was a fantastic member of the family and the house is much quieter without him repeatedly trying to get us to take him outside or to the river. While we miss Silver and having a four-legged friend on our adventures, we did not go out and adopt another dog; Silver is irreplaceable.
We headed to the Virkus family reunion/Lavonne’s wedding in Minnesota with stops in Dinosaur National Monument, Denver to see Quinton and Zoey, and Loveland to visit my parents. Rather than going directly to Lavonne’s wedding and the Virkus Family Reunion, I found a National Park Edition Winnebago Travato “near” the wedding location. Near is a relative term since I once made Tina travel four hours out of the way to find the world’s oldest, active geocache, but 45 minutes is relatively near in my playbook. After some back-and-forth, we became the new owners of a camper van. Fortunately or unfortunately, the van was not ready before we had to return to Carson City, which meant that another trip to Minnesota was in our future. After a fun time at the wedding and reunion, we drove back to Carson City. but not without stopping at several gigantic sculptures on the Enchanted Highway in North Dakota. I really did not want to look at sculptures, but Tina promised there would be geocaches at each of them, so I begrudgingly agreed to the detour.
We would have spent more time on the road, but we had to attend the annual Nevada ACTE Summer Conference in Lake Tahoe – since that is one of Tina’s side hustles. Our annual trip up to the lake was different this year because our friend Mark from Montana came to the conference and stayed a couple of days with us. We probably ran him ragged by driving around Lake Tahoe, hiking the Donner Tunnels, and attending the Carson City concert series. Hopefully, he will come back for another visit.
The second trip to Minnesota was already on Tina’s schedule as she was going to attend Barbie and Andrew’s wedding. I was not originally planning on attending, but I think allowing me to buy a camper van was Tina’s and Barbie’s ploy to get me to take some more vacation time. Andrew and Barbie graciously agreed to pick up the van from the dealer, fix some things on it, and meet us in the Minneapolis area for our first van trip. Our second drive home from Minnesota in less than a month was quite the adventure. Our first overnight stay was outside of Devil’s Tower in Wyoming. Since we are early birds, we beat the crowds at Devil’s Tower, hiked around it, and I found my 5000th geocache. I know what you are thinking. The camper van life is glorious when you are always staying outside of national parks, geocaching whenever you want, and not stopping to make lunch; however, on the second night of our trip we literally pulled over in a rest area between two semi trucks, put up the blinds, and took a short nap before heading home.
We took a couple of months off from leisure traveling because I was busy traveling for work, but in November, we took our next road trip with the van. It took us that long to get back on the road due to a mechanical issue and the dreaded supply chain shortage excuse for parts. Why is there still a supply chain shortage? The pandemic is over and if these dang Gen Z kids would just go to work, Tina’s Amazon purchases would show up in hours and not just the next day. Nevertheless, it finally got fixed and we traveled down the eastern Sierras in California to Manzanar National Historic Site, which used to be an internment camp in World War II for Japanese-Americans. We also visited the Museum of Western Film History in Lone Pine and had our first off-road van experience to explore the beautiful Alabama Hills. The Alabama Hills are famous for being where westerns and modern-day classics are filmed. By modern-day classics, I mean Iron Man and Tremors. Tina and I hiked around the area and re-enacted our favorite scenes from Tremors; I can jump pretty far for an old man if I think a gigantic alien worm is chasing me.
We spent Thanksgiving in Colorado (thanks to my Southwest Companion status and Tina’s hotel travel points) to visit my family, Quinton, and Zoey. I’d like to point out that my parents don’t think we visit very often and we went there three times in 2023. While we were there, Tina desperately wanted to see her old elementary school in Cheyenne. Once again, she coerced me by telling me that three of the most popular geocaches in the country were there, so I relented and agreed to the quick day trip. As I write this, we are preparing for our first winter trip in the van. We will be headed to Great Basin National Park to explore some caves and, hopefully, go snowshoeing.
Well, that is enough about us and you are probably thinking, “I hope this is the last letter because Tazia and Quinton are talkers compared to Craig.” Wait, before I go, I know that I promised Tazia’s friend Aaron a shoutout in this year’s letter. He knows why he deserves this, but as parents of a child who is thousands of miles away, it is nice to know that she has great friends like Aaron, Arielle, and Jihad. Also, Aaron has an excellent political newsletter that Tina reads every day and then tells me about at dinner – you should check it out.
Tazia
In case you were unaware and are just now realizing that you forgot my birthday, 2023 was the year that I deleted my Facebook account. Although I am confident that Grandma Lavonne provides moderately accurate updates on my life to everyone that she knows, this is an opportunity to share my life updates directly with you. Since I do not talk to most of you regularly, I now take this obligation to provide you with an annual update more seriously than ever before. (Let the record reflect that my section of the holiday letter has the fewest words.)
I still live in Washington, D.C. with my two cats, but we moved twice in July when my lease ended. The first apartment had an unfortunate pest problem, so we quickly moved to another building. (Special thanks to Grandma Lavonne for her expertise in lease negotiation tactics and roach eradication measures!) For the second consecutive year, I convinced Tina and Craig to come to D.C. to decorate my new apartment; this time, though, I successfully tricked Tina into organizing every closet and cabinet. In exchange for their help, I entertained Craig’s geocaching adventures on Teddy Roosevelt Island and took Tina to see POTUS: Or, Behind Every Great Dumbass Are Seven Women Trying to Keep Him Alive.
I still work for the SEC, but I am now a Senior Counsel in the Office of International Affairs. For those of you who wondered back in 2015 what I was going to do with my undergraduate degree and law school education, this is it. Just when I finally started to read books for fun (much to the delight of my parents), I decided that I missed reading textbooks. I am now working toward an Executive Master of Business Administration from the University of Nevada, Reno. Go Wolf Pack! You might be asking: What will Tazia do with an EMBA? I’ll be adding more letters to my email signature, hanging another diploma on the wall, and making up for skipping Mr. Jim Friel’s financial literacy class in 9th grade.
Because I am a full-time attorney and part-time graduate student, I did not travel as much this year. As Dad mentioned, Mom and I traveled to Paris together in March. In true Tazia-fashion, our itinerary was packed full of activities including a cooking class, champagne at the Eiffel Tower summit, and seeing Moulin Rouge! I spent Halloween weekend in New Orleans with my friend, Elayna; we learned how to make gumbo in a cooking class, held a baby alligator during a swamp tour, and explored the bars on Bourbon Street. (Do you see a pattern here? I can’t seem to stay away from school, i.e., cooking classes, even on vacation.) At the Virkus family reunion in Minnesota, I was the lucky winner of Jenna’s painting; it will be prominently featured in my home until the Smithsonian requests it. In September, I visited northern Nevada to attend my EMBA program’s fall mixer and to spend time with the family picking and canning apples from my parents’ backyard.
When I am not working, studying, or traveling, you can find me spending time with friends, dating a Jeopardy! Champion, and FaceTiming my soon-to-be sister-in-law! (Thanks, Q, for giving me the best sister!) Until next year, feel free to keep up with my adventures on Instagram, LinkedIn, Goodreads, and Duolingo.
Quinton & Zoey
My Turn
Well, I’m sure you all are as excited as I am about this Christmas letter being the last ever. This “tradition” always seemed a little bit too self-indulgent for me. I mean, we all see how much Tina and Craig like to flaunt their lifestyles in portentous Facebook posts, and since they can not abstain from a pseudo-influencer lifestyle for more than 16 hours, is this letter really necessary? Tazia’s no better; she’s just more selective with her audience – you have to make at least six figures to afford tickets to her show. Look, I’m not belittling the lifestyle, I also have my deplorable character traits; however, it seems as if the moment November rolls around I am forced into sharing intimate details of my life to all of you – most of whom I wouldn’t, or don’t, talk to at compulsory family gatherings. So here I am, for a final time, putting on an award winning performance to report that I am still alive and still the real reason you could sit and endure the interminable length of the Statucki family Christmas letter.
This year has started as most expected, in January, followed by 11 more months for those who follow the Gregorian calendar, or 12 more for those who were born before 1582. New Year’s started with a bang. Not a pun, our neighborhood was a panicle of gunshots ringing through the night just like our founding fathers intended. In true Denver fashion, the police never came. MLK day was great, no joke here; that’s racist. Zoey and I spent our first anniversary together as far away from human interaction as possible. It was the happiest I’ve ever been on vacation.
Groundhog Day was a little surreal – it felt as if I was living the same day over and over until I learned to be less cold and aloof. But that’s February – it’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be gray, and it’s gonna last the rest of your life. Valentine’s Day was just as eerie, especially when you celebrate the day of love eating dinner in an Italian restaurant located in a little hole in the wall in the north side of Chicago. I celebrate presidents as most of you would; binge drinking and crying over the 1963 assassination of a gold standard backed currency. If you don’t get that joke, you’re probably one of Tazia’s rich lawyer friends or you are too young to understand inflation.
On the twelfth day, God gave us more light; but only in March and only for an hour. It’s weird that an omniscient being would be so parsimonious with light knowing seasonal depression exists. Saint Patty’s Day makes up for that, since it’s the only day out of the year you can use Irish Car Bomb in a sentence without offending the British. Blacking out for an evangelical priest who didn’t like snakes seems like the perfect way to celebrate for a recovering alcoholic. Ramadan started but it didn’t end fast enough; a whole month without swearing? (Beep) that.
On April 1st, I found out I was the favorite child; on the 2nd, I found out I was not. Easter’s a holiday in April. I always forget, not that it’s in April, that people celebrate it. Hail Jesus or whatever you say. At the end of the month, Zoey and I made the pilgrimage back to Reno, Nevada for Sarah and Nolan’s wedding. With us living hundreds of miles away from our family and friends, it’s great to have amazing friends to celebrate with. I was gonna propose to Zoey on that trip, but Lavonne ruined it with a sex joke – that coffee hound.
May was a big month for us. With 31 days, we spent the first four preparing for Margarita’s and AMF’s. On the 5th we stayed home and watched The Alamo starring Billy Bob Thorton. In true comedic timing, I proposed to Zoey on Mother’s Day. You can say I gave Deb Swisher the best Mother’s Day present ever – Me. Memorial Day is the most underrated holiday in my opinion: three-day weekend, American flags, and Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” on repeat – how can it get any better? For us, driving to the most underwhelming town in Colorado – Loveland.
For my surgical removal day, Zoey and I once again decided to pull a play out of Henry David Thoreau’s playbook and went into the woods because we wished to live deliberately. Nahhhh. We’re just misanthropic. We proudly waved the flag of Somalia on the 14th. I got the day off from work on Juneteenth – again, no joke, racist. Also, this month is dedicated to one of my best men and Zoey’s maid of honor – so proud of you, buddy.
FOURTH OF JULY, BABY. LET’S (BEEP) GO AMERICA!!! Also one of the best holidays, but a little word of caution… don’t use sparklers in a dry meadow. That also goes for gender reveal parties. Looking at you, California. We also went to Mini Soda for another wedding. I’m sure you know that. You read Craig’s segment – I don’t need to tell you again. However, on that trip I learned it’s really expensive to get drunk at negative sea level after living in the Mile High City. That’s not because of the elevation – it’s because they don’t take alcohol seriously and close liquor stores early. To finish that month, our baby boy turned 1 year old, so we gave him kibble with cheese so that he knows he’s special.
August was boring, so we celebrated Roman emperors all month long – even the horse. On the 13th, all the lefties of the world united for a day they can collectively share – lame. Oh, it was also Tazia’s birthday. Happy belated birthday, sis!
September is a somber month for all the Bush administration babies. Good thing it started off with the best three-day weekend of the year – Labor Day (Beep)! It’s the holiday of my people. If you can’t change your oil, frame a house, or lay ‘crete, that day’s not for you – move along. I’m so glad I got to spend the weekend fishing with a fellow blue collar man, my father-in-law.
Boo! Did I scare you? Probably not as much as opening this letter and seeing it was longer than all the doctoral theses of liberal arts majors, combined. For Halloween, I dressed up as Christopher Columbus, but not in his prime – as he would look like today. Banks dressed up as himself. Zoey, as always, was an angel. October also has Nevada Day – if you don’t know what that is, it’s because your state sucks – get out of here.
Halloween extends into November, but it’s like a Cinco de Mayo mash up. 10/10 – would recommend. The rest of the month is a blur until Thanksgiving; however, as I age rapidly in this yawning abyss of life, I enjoy it less and less. It’s not because of the history behind pilgrims or the Ancient Aliens Thanksgiving episode. No. The whole origin behind my disdain for Turkey Day lies with the lackluster football games. Let colleges play that day – they’re more entertaining than watching the Vikings or Broncos lose for the umpteenth time.
December, now we’re here. 18 days into it, try not to expect much.
Finale
Lavonne & Dennis
I was disappointed to find out that Grandma Lavonne and Dennis would not be writing their own holiday letter this year. Apparently, they are too busy being happy newlyweds, so, as the favorite eldest granddaughter, I (Tazia) took it upon myself to prepare this section. I am exceptionally qualified for this role since I FaceTime Grandma Lavonne nearly every week.
Lavonne and Dennis got engaged at the start of the year and wasted no time planning their wedding. As it was the day before the Virkus reunion, they were surrounded by friends and family at their wedding. Dennis made everyone cry with his romantic vows, while Lavonne made everyone laugh as she pulled her glasses out of her bra to read hers. After spending the summer in Minnesota and visiting Niagara Falls for their honeymoon, Lavonne and Dennis returned to Pahrump and their motorcycle club. Yes, Lavonne and Dennis are proud members of the Free Riders; it is free and gives Lavonne a reason to wear a leather vest. Grandma Lavonne is also keeping herself busy with sewing projects; I have already commissioned a Lavonne-original for next October, so you will have to get in line.
Lavonne and Dennis enjoy having company, so feel free to contact them directly if you would like to visit Pahrump. Please note that you are only allowed to stay with them long-term if your name is Tina Martinez or you are one of Lavonne’s siblings or grandchildren.
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Congratulations on making it to the end of the unabridged version of the final Statucki Holiday Letter! We hope that you all have a wonderful holiday season and happy new year!
This year’s letter is brought to you by three of us. Each family member was required to write their paragraph by close of business on December 10th; however, Tina was busy decorating the house and wrapping presents, so I am taking one for the team and writing her section. It also gets me out of decorating and wrapping, so it is a win-win for me. Since I like to reward timeliness, the order of the paragraphs is by submission order.
Quinton
Dearly beloved, I’m sure you’re wondering why I am actually writing a paragraph for the Christmas letter considering my anti-Christian beliefs. Some of the relatives probably don’t know who the youngest offspring of Craig and Tina is, making this entry complicate their early onset dementia diagnosis. Well, to answer both the long-time family friends and the 15 cousins three times removed, I was forced to illustrate this past year of my life. I’ll attach an image (see below) in case the font is too small or the vernacular is too articulate for the older Trump-loving audience. In summation, this year of 2022 was my busiest: falling in love with a public health major (she believes in mask mandates and vaccines, for our smaller-minded readers), moving to Colorado with the aforementioned love interest, and turning wrenches for a salary that forces me to pay more in taxes than liberal arts majors make in a year. We adopted a dog. He is a black Lab mix named Banks – as in Coors Banquet, or Banks, as in the trusted institutions that rob us of our true pursuit of happiness. He’s cute, but loud and gets in trouble a lot. Anyway, I’m sure that censorship-loving Craig is going to edit this paragraph (like CNN editing the election results). Love some of you, but don’t remember most of you. Quinton.
Craig and Tina
Shortly after writing last year’s holiday letter, Tina and I sold our house in Las Vegas and completed our move to Carson City. We still visit Las Vegas every couple of months for work and now question how we lived there for so long. We miss our friends, but the traffic and crowds everywhere ensure that we will never move back. The sale of the Las Vegas house meant that Tina could go into super duper remodel mode at the Carson City house and we spent most of the spring remodeling the kitchen, bathroom, floors, painting (lots of painting), and turning the backyard cabin into a bar (which still needs a few finishing touches, but it is otherwise ready for a party).
Tina is still a goddess and continues to work for the Nevada Department of Education. She oversees the statewide teacher evaluation system and spends quality time explaining to educators that, if they used it properly, they would love it too. She also recently became the Executive Director for the Nevada Association of Career and Technical Education (my old job). It’s a part-time gig, but it allows her to travel and network with other educators from across the country while advocating for providing students with relevant learning opportunities. Tina is also part of a book club (appropriately titled The Overbooked Book Club). I thought being in a book club meant 7 women meeting monthly to discuss a book. I was wrong; the Overbooked Book Club has additional responsibilities such as joining a softball league, attending summer concerts at the Brewery Arts Center, and going scorpion hunting. Yes, you read that right. Tina played softball this summer. I now know where Tazia got her softball skills and also where Tazia learned how to ignore the 3rd base coach when running from 1st to 3rd on an overthrow. Tina is still crafting and is looking forward to our next big project – building her a greenhouse from the chicken coop area (see last year’s letter).
I am also still with the Nevada Department of Education, but I am currently serving as the Interim Deputy Superintendent of Educator Effectiveness and Family Engagement. It is a fun and interesting challenge, especially as we get ready for a new legislative session in February. I am still geocaching, hiking, biking, and playing with Legos. Carson City is great for those activities. I join Tina on her extracurricular book club activities and additional excursions that she finds through the fantastic Carson City Parks and Recreation Department. We went on a bike ride along the river – which Tina signed us up for before she even had a bike (she now has 2), did a ghost walk in the cemetery during Halloween weekend, and toured Silver Saddle Ranch. I am sure that Tyler from the Parks and Rec office is tired of seeing us.
Our adventures were not limited to the Carson City area. In February, we traveled to the Oregon Coast for a long holiday weekend. We had a great time traveling the coast and dodging rainstorms while we hiked. Tina’s trip to Washington, DC in March to visit Tazia and her cousin Dayna was one of several that each of us made for work or fun during the year (Tazia put Tina to work decorating her new apartment). While I am sure that Tazia was thrilled that we were visiting frequently, we were really continuing to visit so that we could get invited to the infamous game night at Jihad’s house. I tried to get Jihad to write his own paragraph on the illustrious history of game night, but he begged off… maybe next year.
The big adventure was our 10-day trip to British Columbia and Seattle for our 30th wedding anniversary – also the 20th anniversary of our 10th wedding anniversary trip to the same area. The whole trip focused on seeing beautiful scenery, going on hikes, whale watching, and visiting with Aunt Marie, Uncle John, Rhonda, and Kayla. It had nothing to do with Geowoodstock being outside of Vancouver, Canada, and the 20th Anniversary of Geocaching event. It was a fun trip and we visited some small towns that we saw while watching Still Standing (Amazon Prime) including the town where Rambo was filmed (Hope, BC) and the mural capital of Canada (Chemainus, BC). We spent time at Marie and John’s house, and [successfully] converted Rhonda and Kayla into geocachers after taking them on a 7-mile round-trip hike to find the famous Ape Geocache outside of Seattle.
Since the kids are busy and traveling to Reno by plane can be inconvenient, Tina and I decided to go to Monterey, CA for Thanksgiving. It was fantastic! We (mostly Tina) did not have to grocery shop, cook, or clean up Thanksgiving dinner. After a 6-mile hike in Point Lobos State Park, we went to a bar for turkey dinner. For $35 per person, we got a full turkey dinner without having to do anything other than order it and watch football. After dinner, we made a short trip to the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary – it is migration season and saw thousands of butterflies. We had a great time driving up and down the coast for a few days. We have decided that destination Thanksgivings are the best and this may be our new holiday tradition, especially with the kids now living in other states.
Tazia
When Craig requested that each family member draft their own paragraph, I initially sent one sentence: Tazia still lives in DC, still works at the SEC, still has two cats, and is still single. That narrative was rejected, so here is a more fulsome 2022 autobiography.
Near the start of the year, I moved apartments to be closer to work; I am literally across the street from it now. Tina visited shortly thereafter to help me decorate. Her interior design skills have resulted in at least one guest commenting that my apartment looks like it could be included in Good Housekeeping. Tina and Craig both visited me multiple times this year, likely because they now have a separate guest room to stay in. I am eagerly waiting for Quinton to come to visit, so hopefully, his love interest (see supra) will successfully convince him to make the trip.
I still work as a Senior Counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. I love the work that I do, but love being able to enjoy frequent vacations even more. This year, I went on domestic trips to Pennsylvania, New York, West Virginia, Florida, Nevada, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. For my birthday, I went on an 11-day trip to Ireland and the United Kingdom (including Northern Ireland) with my friend, Leigh. Our itinerary was packed full of activities; some trip highlights were seeing the Cliffs of Moher, taking a black taxi cab tour of Belfast, exploring the Tower of London, and attending a live Peloton class with my favorite instructor. When I am not working or traveling, I enjoy spending time with friends, spoiling all the family pets (my cats, Taz and Sage, and Silver and Banks), and going on dates until Netflix eventually casts me in Love Is Blind.
Silver
OQ{JghipnGJO9RHi-]k0 jo{JAFDISBLS:OADS”LM:KDs/F
(This is Silver’s paragraph. We are working on his typing skills, but he says the river is fun and we should take him there more often. He also loves catching snowballs. And Tazia buys him the best toys.)
***
If you made it to the end of the longest Statucki Family Holiday Letter ever, congratulations! You don’t win a prize, but I am sure the joy and entertainment that we brought you was worth the effort.
Happy Howl-idays! Once again, Craig wanted to delegate the holiday letter among the family members to each write their own paragraph. And once again, no one wrote their respective paragraph. So this year you get the ulti-mutt letter, written by me, Silver.
We all had a doggone good year in 2021! In January, Tina and Tazia took the trip of a lifetime to Alaska for nearly two weeks. I was a little jealous because they went on a helicopter tour of glaciers, snowmachining on a frozen lake, and even mushed with some Iditarod-trained huskies. I’d like to think I could have been one of those dogs in my younger years, but I was never fond of the cold.
In fact, I was a snowbird for much of the year. I spent the first few months of 2021 with Quinton in Las Vegas. He and I were the perfect roommates and bonded over our shared love of carrots, flirting with ladies on our walks, and catching some zzz’s in bed after a long day. In March, our landlords – Craig and Tina – took me back to northern Nevada since the winter was so mild last year. This allowed me to visit my favorite spot – the Carson River. They were living in a condo, but since Tina decided to make the move to Carson City permanent, they were determined to buy a house. The new house is fine, but the backyard has a huge grassy area for me to roll around in, a cabin, a pond (that they won’t let me swim in – grrr), and a chicken coop (which has no chickens as they are worried I might want to try my paw at hunting). Craig and Tina have spent the past few months renovating the house, while I have spent my time visiting with the frogs, lizards, snakes, and birds that seem to enjoy the yard as much as I do.
Craig still works for the Nevada Department of Education as the Director of Career Readiness, Adult Learning, and Education Options. He was busy during the legislative session and successfully lobbied for the passage of multiple pieces of legislation to support career and technical education. When he isn’t busy doing paw-some things at work, he enjoys Zwift cycling, playing with Legos, and doing lots and lots of yard work. Craig still goes out geocaching, but in my old age, I have trouble keeping up on longer treks. Tina now joins him for the longer walks while I enjoy some quality alone time, though they didn’t go on nearly as many hikes as they would have liked because of all the smoke from the wildfires this summer – it was so bad some days that they didn’t want to let me go outside. I thought I would get some quality alone time with Craig when Tina went to Minnesota with her mom, Aunt Tasha, and her mom’s BFF Tina for a family reunion. I heard they had a good time visiting with the folks up there; however, Craig ditched me to do a bike race up to Lake Tahoe with a friend from Vegas, so I stayed with Quinton. Craig came home exhausted, but he’s planning on doing it again anyhow.
Tina left her teaching job in March and now also works for the Nevada Department of Education. She serves as an Education Programs Professional in the Office of Educator Development, Licensure, & Family Engagement. Although her office in Carson City is only a few blocks away from the house, she is still able to work remotely most of the time. Thank goodness, as I think I’d be lonely if l had to stay home all by myself every day. Tina spends her free time remodeling the house and crafting, going on walks with Craig, hanging out with Aunt Tasha, and telling me not to eat the grass in the backyard while Craig and Tina are doing yard work.
Quinton must have missed me terribly because he just moved back to northern Nevada. He left Fleet in Vegas to work for Freightliner in Vegas, but then Quinton was recruited by one of his former customers in Reno to be the lead mechanic for a shop up north. He lives with a buddy in Reno, but at least I get to see him a little more often. Quinton keeps himself quite busy with work, fishing, eating healthy (meal prepping), and working out. I wish I had the energy still to be so active.
Tazia lives in Washington, DC, and sends me toys via Amazon Prime every few months. After spending nearly two years working at a big law firm, she decided to transition to a career in public service. Tazia now works as an attorney in the Office of the General Counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. She has also decided to take classes at Georgetown Law to earn a certificate in securities and financial regulation. I think she just loves going to school. When Tazia isn’t obsessing over securities law, she is constantly sending us pictures of her cats, Taz and Sage, and riding her Peloton bike to earn badges.
I also got to spend some quality time with other members of the family myself. In March, I hung out with Dylan (Tasha’s oldest) while Craig and Tina visited the Redwoods and the California coast. I’m not sure why they didn’t take me. I love walking around trees and swimming. In September, I got more quality time with Dylan while Craig, Tina, and Quinton took a trip to Colorado to see Craig’s side of the family (Tazia said she was too busy). I also spent some time with Grandma Lavonne while Tina and Craig were busy moving stuff from the Vegas house to the Carson house. They sold the house in Vegas, so I guess I’m stuck in snowy Carson for the winter – ooh, my aching bones! I do love visiting Grandma Lavonne – she and her gaggle of girls spoil me rotten.
Despite the chaos of the world around us, we have been paw-sitively lucky to have such a happy, healthy, and harmonious year. We woof you all a wonder-fur holiday season and a happy new year!
This year has been insane for the Statuckis and I am not even talking about pandemics or elections. We are now redefining the “new normal” in our households.
Trip to Loveland CO
Just prior to state closures, Tazia and Quinton joined Tina and I in Colorado to visit my family for a few days over President’s Day weekend. It was a fun trip, but we would have never guessed that it was going to be our only Griswold family trip of the year.
In March, I left my job at East Tech to take a position with the Nevada Department of Education as the Director of Career Readiness, Adult Learning, and Education Options. My first day in the new position was also the first day school buildings were closed. One of the “perks” of my new job is that it is located in Carson City. So, during the beginning of Nevada’s pandemic closures, I was transitioning to a new job, finding a place to live, and moving my stuff from Las Vegas to Carson City. I will say that I am getting pretty good at driving between the two cities.
Built our own fireplace.
Tina continued to work at Northwest CTA while I was working in Carson City. She only had three years to retirement so we figured that we could take turns commuting. How bad could it be? While the commuting was tolerable, working for Clark County was not. Tina spent her summer break with me in Carson City, and after a few weeks of nice weather and evening walks together, Tina started to look for jobs in northern Nevada. In late July, she took a position as a virtual teacher for the Churchill County School District. Now that she is no longer working in career and technical education, Tina was awarded the Nevada ACTE Lifetime Achievement Award for her hard work and dedication over the years. Tina has also embraced her skills as an interior designer and spends the weekends remodeling and decorating our Carson City home.
We are really enjoying living in Carson City. The area is beautiful, relatively quiet, and we now both have jobs that allow us to have some “us” time every evening and weekend. You can follow our adventures in Carson City on Instagram at @2keytravelers. In addition, we are closer to Tina’s sister and Quinton. Well, we were closer to Quinton for a few months.
Thanksgiving in Las Vegas
Quinton apparently decided that Carson City was too close to him in Reno, so he found a new job in Las Vegas. He now works for a diesel truck fleet company and is living in our Las Vegas house. Tina and I have become landlords! While Quinton misses his friends in Reno, he definitely does not miss doing road calls during a snowstorm to fix broken down trucks. Quinton moved right before Thanksgiving so we were able to have our first Thanksgiving in Las Vegas in about a decade. Tazia joined us for the week, though she and I took turns having Zoom meetings in the laundry room the whole time. Some of you are wondering whether Quinton will convert our dream home into a party house; luckily, we still get the Ring doorbell notifications so we will know when Quinton hosts a party.
While many of you think Tazia is the stable one in the family, you would be wrong. Tazia works for the same law firm, but she switched from the corporate practice group to litigation in order to argue with more people. She has been working from “home” since the shutdowns in the former epicenter of the pandemic, New York City. Early in the shutdown, Tazia decided to embrace the crazy cat lady inside of her and adopted a kitten, Sage, to keep her and Taz company. Tazia also figured out that if she was going to be working remotely for an extended period of time that she did not have to pay New York City rent, so she moved back to Washington, DC for now. She is closer to her law school friends and saving money to support her addiction to buying pet toys for her cats and Silver.
Craig trying to convince Silver to get out of the Carson River.
Speaking of Silver, he enjoyed Carson City, but not the smaller place with no yard. He is also not a fan of colder weather. With Quinton moving back to Las Vegas, Silver has turned into the snowbird that we will become some day when we retire. The tentative plan is for Silver to live with Quinton in Las Vegas during the colder months and live with us in Carson City during the summer.
To recap, everyone moved, everyone changed jobs, and everyone is healthy, safe, and happy.
We hope that you all have a wonderful socially distant holiday season!
Our initial plan was to go high tech with the Holiday Letter and post a video of each of us providing our update, but Tina and Tazia did not want to put on make-up today. So, you have to actually read in order to get up-to-date on the happenings with the Statucki family.
Riding in the Zwift version of Central Park.
I finally made it to finding 4,000 geocaches and have a new favorite video game – Zwift. For those of you who are not familiar with Zwift, my road bike is attached to a trainer and as I pedal my real bike, my virtual bike explores different virtual worlds. I participate in occasional races with the sole goal of not finishing last. I also bought a new car because my FJ Cruiser is a collector’s item and I did not want to add unnecessary mileage because my commute to East CTA, where I am an Assistant Principal, is significantly longer than Tina’s commute. I still serve as the Executive Director of Nevada ACTE and the past year has kept me busy as we are hosting two conferences this year.
Tina on a stagecoach in Tombstone, AZ.
Tina is still fabulous. She is currently the principal at Northwest CTA, the 2nd best CTA in Las Vegas 🙂 During the Nevada ACTE summer conference, she was named Administrator of the Year for Nevada. She is still crafting and has spent the last year completing diamond paintings, paint-by-numbers, and she crochets three squares a month as part of her new crocheting club of the month subscription. Each month she receives yarn to make three squares of a quilt, complains about how hard each new stitch is going to be, and then finishes all three squares while I go on a walk with the dog.
GW Law School Awards Ceremony.
Tazia’s year was pretty uneventful. Tazia’s last semester of law school started with her being named best oralist in her region at the Jessup International Law Moot Court Competition and followed it up by finishing as the 20th best oralist in the world at the international Jessup competition. Can you believe that there are 19 people who are better at arguing with their parents than Tazia is? I’d hate to be those kids’ parents. Tina and I met my parents, Lavonne, and a host of other family members to attend Tazia’s graduation from law school. While it was a highlight to see her walk across the stage, Tina and I were proudest of the number and variety of awards that she received from the law school. Tazia moved to New York City for work, at Covington & Burling, at the end of July and took and passed the bar exam. After the exam, Tazia took Lavonne on a Mediterranean cruise for seven days. Tina and I can’t believe they both came back alive after spending so much time together. We couldn’t do it. If you want to know more about Tazia’s exploits, please email her at tazia.statucki@gmail.com and tell her to write her own letter now that she makes more money than we do.
Lake Tahoe, NV.
Quinton is still working as a diesel technician in Reno. He came down to visit Tina and I in June just after his birthday. Instead of going out partying with his friends, Quinton and Tina waited in line for hours at Zac Bagan’s The Haunted Museum (I choose to go geocaching instead, not because I was scared). Based on the stories they told, the scariest part of the museum was Quinton and Tina yelling and taunting the demons (not ghosts because “they are little bitches” according to Quinton) in front of the other members of their tour group and receiving the occasional unappreciative look from those who were legitimately scared. This year, Quinton has explored his artistic and creative side, much like his mother. He has been busy painting, sculpting, and building projects in his tiny apartment. I am sure that his neighbors appreciate him using power tools and blow torches in his apartment. He is willing to sell you his artwork, but if you tag him in a Facebook post, you will be paying a significant premium to own any part of his greatness.
A “roadside attraction” outside of Tonopah, NV.
As for our Griswold family trips, which is now just Tina and I on road trips, we attended an ACTE Region Conference in Montana in April. In July, Tina and I drove up to visit with Quinton and then drove to the central coast of California. We had a great stay outside of Cambria and visited Nitt Witt Ridge, Blancas Piedras Lighthouse, and Morro Rock. No road trip would be complete without a geocache or two and our trip to Cambria was no exception. Since Tina likes scary stuff and I like geocaching, we went together to find a night cache in a cemetery that was established in 1870. The geocache had to be found at night because the path to the final container utilized reflective pins that we had to follow. So, Tina and I were walking around a deserted cemetery with headlamps on at 10:00 in the evening with the fog rolling in. When you put it that way, it seems a little creepy, but I did find the geocache which is the important part. In late October, we drove to Arizona to visit Organ Pipe National Monument and Saguaro National Park. We ended up in Tombstone, Arizona on the 138th anniversary of the gunfight at the OK Corral and stayed in a haunted bordello that was converted into a bed and breakfast. Tina and I both experienced separate unusual experiences during our stay, but we are not completely convinced they were supernatural. As much as Tina and I like our road trips, we are sure that Silver likes them more because he gets to stay with Grandma Lavonne. Lavonne and her boomer friends spoil him rotten.
As I am writing this letter, we are staying in a normal, not haunted house in Lake Tahoe with the kids for Thanksgiving. Since we are not going to see either of them for Christmas, we have combined the holidays and are enjoying having both of them with us at the same time.We hope everyone has a great holiday season and maybe next year Tina and Tazia will put on makeup for a video version of the letter.
Craig, Tina, Tazia, Quinton, and Silver
Bonus Features
Craig’s Top Five Travel Bugs (in terms of miles traveled)
Sta2Key Travel Coin – 83015 miles
GeoSta2Key – 31281 miles
Vive Le Minion – 28885 miles
SkyMed – 21832 miles
Michelin Tag – 21557 miles
Tina’s Top 5 Favorite Hobbies
Acrylic Painting
Flower Arrangements
Refinishing and Repurposing Furniture
Crocheting
Photography
Quinton’s Top 5 Favorite Paintings
Van Gogh – The Olive Trees
Claude Monet – La Seine a Lavacourt
Van Gogh – Irises
Francisco Goya – Saturn Devouring His Son
Piet Mondrian – Silver Tree
Tazia’s Top 5 Favorite Mediterranean Trip Moments
Barcelona bus tour on my 25th Birthday
Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, Spain
Eating pasta and gelato in Lucca, Italy
St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City
When the tour guide in Pompeii, Italy asked what a phallic symbol was, and Grandma Lavonne yelled “Jesus!” in front of the entire group.
Happy Holidays from sunny Las Vegas! The only thing that seemed to be quicker than this year for us is binge-watching a season (or two) of The Marvelous Miss Maisel or a season (or two) of Ozark. Why can’t they produce more episodes of these great shows? Is it really that difficult to make 22 episodes anymore? Oops, sorry, I forgot this isn’t a Facebook rant; it is a Christmas letter. Yes, Craig is back.
Sunrise from the patio.
In February, Tina and I moved into our new house. The new address was on the envelope the card came in. Hopefully, you were not so eager to read this letter that you immediately threw the envelope away or tore it beyond recognition. Good news! It is also on our card that you are proudly displaying on your fireplace mantle, right above the stockings. The new house allows us to downsize and upgrade from the last house. Despite what Tazia thinks, this is not the same line as last year. Last year we said, “Craig and I also decided to downsize our house and upgrade our lives” (http://statucki.com/?p=189). I think that the best part of the new house is our unobstructed view of the entire Las Vegas Valley. While Tina appreciates the view, she loves her 10-minute commute to work better. The new house is also equipped with two separate craft areas for Tina – one inside the house and one as a separate garage that she has all to herself. Meanwhile, all I got is a four-foot shelving unit and a bike stand in the garage where we park our cars. That is f*&^%@ b@&#*@! Where is my man cave?
Tazia at the World War II Memorial
Tazia is in her last year of law school at The George Washington University Law School (emphasis on the THE). During the school year, she has kept herself busy as part of skills boards, journals, and working as a research assistant. In the spring, Tazia was also a finalist in an international commercial arbitration competition on campus. The first person who can explain that sentence in plain English wins a prize. Over the summer, she completed her Summer Associate program at Covington & Burling in New York City and received an offer to join the firm’s corporate practice after graduation. She already has our retirement home picked out for us. Fortunately, she will make enough money to pay for it. She loved New York and won tickets to eleven different Broadway shows. How does someone win tickets to Escape to Margaritaville on Broadway who has never yelled “Salt! Salt! Salt!” in a bar? Tina is jealous of her Broadway show victories, but I am most envious of her tickets to see Stephen Colbert and John Oliver. Tina and I are currently arguing over whether we are going to visit Tazia for Thanksgiving or Christmas next year. Tina wants to see the Thanksgiving Day parade and I don’t. It is on TV. Who needs to wait for hours in the cold to see the Baby Trump Blimp go by? Oops, I forgot it was it not a Facebook rant again.
Apologies for the length of the last paragraph. Tazia was trying to edit it while I was writing it and I had to change her Google rights to “Comment Only.”
Quinton in his apartment/recording studio.
Quinton, “the dopest man alive,” is completing his diesel technician certifications at TMCC in Reno and should be done in May. I say “should be done” because he keeps finding things that interest him and he may go back to school to take some welding classes. For someone who hated school so much growing up, it is kind of ironic that he wants to stay in school to learn some additional skills. He is working at a Petro Truck Stop in Reno as a diesel technician. Tina and I are happy that he finally has a steady income to support his side hobby of producing rap music. You can find him on SoundCloud or Instagram (WARNING! EXPLICIT LYRICS!). While we would like to see Quinton move back closer to home, Las Vegas cannot offer the outdoor experiences that he enjoys in Reno. There is not a lot of fishing and camping in the 110+ degree heat of Las Vegas. Quinton has become an avid reader and is frequently asking Tina for book recommendations. He doesn’t ask me because he knows I am going to list off a bunch of Tom Clancy novels. He can’t ask Tazia because the only thing she reads are textbooks. What kind of law student has never read To Kill a Mockingbird? This year, Quinton has found a new way to annoy us. When he binge-watches shows, he doesn’t do it in order and it messes up our viewing queue. Apparently, being OCD doesn’t always run in the family, but three out of four isn’t bad.
Tina is always happy about Geocaching road trips.
Tina and I have both been busy at work and attending conferences. Tina is still the principal at Northwest Career and Technical Academy and I was recently promoted to an assistant principal at East Career and Technical Academy. I was able to see Tazia in Washington, DC, in March, while I was attending an ACTE Conference. In April, Tina and I both attended a conference in Colorado Springs and met my parents, Jodi, and David for dinner in Denver on our commute back to Las Vegas. Tina wanted me to point out that she made the CCSD Superintendent’s Principal Honor Roll. That recognition came with no bonus, but she got a cool pin and a banner. I don’t have any cool recognitions like that, but I do work at America’s Number One Magnet School. Upon reading this paragraph, Tina called me a name that isn’t suitable for print. Keep in mind that I already swore previously in this letter.
The Largest Ball of Twine
Before the school year ended, Tina and I traveled to Oregon to attend the wedding of one of her former students. To my former students who are reading this, where is my invite to your wedding? I know some you liked me more than Tina or, at least, I gave you a better grade. Over the summer, Tina and I took an extended road trip to visit my family in Colorado and to see the Nevonen’s and Virkus-Smith’s in Minnesota. We enjoyed seeing family in both states, but it did seem a little odd to be on a long road trip without the kids. Clark and Ellen never went on a trip without Audrey and Rusty regardless of who was playing the kids. If you want us to replace Tazia and Quinton on road trips with your kids, please contact us privately and have your credit card ready. We also accept ApplePay, Venmo, Paypal, and Amazon gift cards. As part of the trip, we visited the world’s largest ball of twine, the largest concrete gnome, and the world’s largest cow. Thanks to https://www.roadsideamerica.com/, Tina and I have found another way to have fun on road trips besides Geocaching. Conveniently for me, most of these roadside attractions have a geocache nearby. We also visited the traditional attractions on the three-day road trip home including Theodore Roosevelt National Park (Quinton’s favorite President), Little Bighorn Battlefield, and Yellowstone National Park. I guess one benefit of President Trump gutting the Department of Interior is that I will never have to visit Trump National Park. Oops, forgot this wasn’t a Facebook rant.
“This is what we drove out of the way for?” – Tina
Tina’s trick to get me to drive to Minnesota, the land of mosquitos and crazy democrats (oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, Oh baby, baby), was that we turned the trip into a geocaching road adventure. After visiting my parents, we took a slight detour (maybe about four hours out of the way) to find the oldest active geocache in Kansas. I am pretty sure that Tina thinks my hobby is turning into an obsession. I don’t think so. After all, she is the one with two separate crafting areas. Which one of us do you think has the problem? Please answer in the comment section.
We hope that you have an enjoyable holiday season and a great new year.
After giving myself a break from writing the Christmas letter, I am back with a vengeance. This is partially to redeem myself, but mainly because Tazia’s draft wasn’t very funny.
Speaking of Tazia, she has had a very busy year at University of Nevada-Reno or UNR – as us southerners call it. Tazia completed her first year at UNR and promptly moved into an apartment. This involved us packing up all of her stuff, renting a U-Haul, and moving on a cool, 110 degree, July day. To thank us for sweltering in the heat in Vegas and Reno, Tazia paid us back by taking her cat with her. We returned from Reno and quickly changed Tazia’s old room into an entertainment room that houses Tina’s craft area and my Playstation and TV. We eventually felt guilty about not having a place for Tazia to sleep and converted a separate room into a guest room for her to stay in. Tazia has managed to go the entire semester without changing her major, which is quite a feat since she changed it weekly during her freshman year. She is double-majoring in International Affairs and Communication Studies with a minor Chinese Studies. I have no idea what she will do with this other than be a special reporter for CNN in China. Tazia is using this combination to plan on going to law school. When she isn’t taking 16 credits while working two jobs, she is planning her summer trip to Chengdu, China to study for 11 weeks. It is an exciting opportunity for her and it will be different not having her around next summer. It will be difficult to give her a hard time about the UNLV-UNR rivalry when she is so far away. Tazia’s new favorite question to be asked is “What color is the cannon?” It is red by the way.
Quinton has also been very busy. He turned 16 in June and got a tattoo for his birthday. Tina only agreed to this because the tattoo had to say “mom” in it – I have yet to agree to the tattoo. Can you guess who won that argument? He received his driving license in August. At first, Quinton was not too eager to learn how to drive, but eventually, I think he enjoyed giving Tina and I gray hairs (I have more than Tina). Quinton is a junior at Southwest Career and Technical Academy and is in the interior design program. While his motive for switching from entertainment engineering to interior design is not clear, I think it has to do more with the number of girls in his program classes. He has a great instructor who he frequently calls his “second mom” and often stays after school to help her. Despite being at the same school, he doesn’t stay late to help me. Quinton is still playing lacrosse. Last spring, he played attackman for Grizzly Lacrosse. I can’t remember how many goals he scored because his total changes every time you ask him. The total is somewhere between 10 and 1,000,000 and probably around the 20 goal range. This year he will be playing for Liberty Lacrosse due to some zone changes. He likes his new team and is back playing with many of his friends from middle school. Hopefully, they will be better at keeping statistics than Quinton is. Quinton has also found a new talent – singing country music. He recently sang a Blake Shelton song at the school talent show. In true Quinton fashion, he changed his song at the last minute and sang a song about sex, alcohol, and smoking. Tina and I are hoping the next time that he will sing something a little more school appropriate.
Tina was recently promoted to the Assistant Principal position at East Career and Technical Academy where she had previously been the dean for the last few years. As excited as we were about the promotion, her students were probably more excited since Tina is no longer in charge of discipline. She also worked in the Superintendent’s office this summer which I am sure helped her chances at being promoted. Shortly before her promotion, Tina was nominated and selected to be one of thirty educators in the Executive Leadership Academy for the state of Nevada. The Academy meets monthly for three days and provides guest speakers on educational leadership from around the country. What this means for Quinton and I is that once a month we get to eat out for dinner three days in a row. Tina spends her spare time crafting, painting, and finding projects on Pinterest. She recently modge podged a 100-year old cooking textbook to our kitchen table based on something she saw on Pinterest. After every project, Tina asks me if I think she is crazy. I always reply “no” and sometimes I mean it.
Last, but definitely not least, here is my story. After teaching for 13 years, I have left the classroom to work full-time as Southwest CTA’s community partnership coordinator. I have worked in that capacity part-time for the last two years, but took advantage of an opportunity to do it full-time this year. I miss the students in the classroom, but I definitely do not miss grading, writing lesson plans, or parent-teacher conferences. Tina swears my hobby, geocaching, has transformed from a hobby to an addiction. I think she is exaggerating. I only found over 1000 caches this year, had a streak of finding a cache on 32 consecutive days to make sure I received a souvenir every day in August, attended a geocaching Coinfest in Las Vegas, and drove an hour in each direction to cache a power trail of 500+ caches (it took me five trips to get them all). I hardly think these are signs of an addictive behavior. If she thinks it is so addictive, why did she agree to drive me there and had Quinton drive with me twice?
Despite our hectic schedules, especially Tina’s, we were able to do a bit of traveling and see both sides of the family. We went to Colorado in early June for Quinton’s birthday to visit the Statucki side of the family and get our annual dose of Chick-fil-A. My niece, Mattie, joined us in Las Vegas for two weeks of parent-free entertainment and 100+ degree weather. After Tazia was settled in, she drove to Vegas with Tasha and Briana to meet up with us and fly to the Virkus Family Reunion in Minnesota to join the rest of the clan. Tazia also used the trip to Minnesota to fundraise for textbooks by selling digital copies of the family cookbook. The day after we returned from Minnesota we headed to Lake Tahoe for a conference. At the summer conference, I was selected as the president-elect for the Nevada Association of Career and Technical Education. That means next year Tina will be sleeping with the president. We made two additional trips to Reno in the fall, one for Tazia’s birthday and once for Thanksgiving.
I am sure that you enjoyed this letter far more than anything Tazia could have written. In the spirit of The Voice, you may vote for next year’s author by voting at http://bit.ly/StatuckiXmas. We hope that everyone has a happy holiday season and a great 2014.
We, as in Craig and Tina, have decided that a family website would be a great way for family and friends to keep track of what is happening with us throughout the year. We will eventually expand on this website so that each family member will add relevant information about what they are doing and add pictures from our various escapades.
